I'm currently (theoretically) studying. The fact that Exams are looming in my face doesn't have half the motivating ability as one would think... This is simply an example of the phenomenon where: we know, but we don't do.
Knowledge into action.
Example:
I am a smoker (not actually), I read the warning labels on the pack. I hear horror stories on the news and see lung tumors being excised on television shows, my niece in medical school keeps telling me to stop, I have a daughter and obviously don't want to die in the near future (I am also, coincidentally an amazing aunt, and woman,and I am loved very dearly by the author of this blog). I know I should stop, but why don't I? Why??
I am a student. Who needs to study (this one is me), I know these exams count 60% of my course mark and yet I nap during the day, go for walks, and study very little. I know I should study, why don't I?
An Ingrid Michaelson song also stirred my interest in this phenom. The song is called Lady in Spain and the lyrics of which I speak go like this
"I am in love with a boy
Manufactured to destroy
So I shall Unravel my love
Like an old red woolen glove"
She knows. So she does. But in reality, we all know it didn't go down like that. She cried, and ate ice cream and watched Dirty Dancing a million times (Yes, I am addicted to New Girl, Zooey (Jess) is quite simply... A boss).
I wrote a song in my youth (Stop the judging now!) with the line,
"To know and to do
are two things far removed"
Nike would like us to believe that it as simple as 'Just do[ing] it'. But its not. We all know that.
We do things that are bad for us, while knowing we should stop. We sin, even though sin is a violation of the bond between us and God, we know exactly what we're doing. We love people we know we shouldn't. We seek approval from people we know shouldn't matter. We know! We know what we're doing when we destroy ourselves and sabotage our exam efforts by writing blog posts instead of studying. Why do we do it?
Maybe the answer is motivation. We need the motivation of a minor heart attack and the resulting concerned wife and family to lose weight and stop treating our bodies like playgrounds. We need to see the damage a person is doing to us to finally say enough is enough and take a (sometimes permanent) hiatus from the relationship. We need to see that the exam is tomorrow and so we need to pull an all nighter to get it all done.
This I'll-run-only-if-there-is-a-lion-chasing-me approach to life is self-destructive.
Don't get me wrong, there are people out there who can just say no. Those who stop smoking cold turkey and the like. But they are the logical minority in this emotion driven world.
That's it. Emotion. It feels good to sin, so we do it. We are in toxic relationships because they do something for us, so we stay, we smoke because it relieves our stress and gives us something to do to break up the day, it feels good. But when the brain kicks in and has to fight a moerse battle with the rest of you to get control... It stops feeling good and all you feel is guilt and shame and "whats wrong with me? Why am I being stupid?". What then? Then...
Then we have to realise that its human nature to do stupid, self-destructive things...
And we must forgive ourselves...
To end off, I'd like to leave you with a portion of a very beautiful poem by Emily Bronté;
The prisoner
intense the agony--
When the ear begins to hear, and the eye begins to see;
When the pulse begins to throb, the brain to think again;
The soul to feel the flesh, and the flesh to feel the chain.
In other words, it hurts like hell when you come to your senses, your ears, they hear again, your eyes, they see again, your brain finally kicks in, your soul wants change, but your flesh feels chains.
Couch Out...
